Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
