I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
