I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
