i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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