they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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