I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
