I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
