if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize