Do vagina's smell?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
God, I missed his penis.
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