He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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