dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
