It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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