Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
