I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
