so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
