WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
