I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
