i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
