Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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