I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
