I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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