I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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