This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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