Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
