So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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