Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize