I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
