after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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