i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
