you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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