Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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