that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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