You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
