Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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