So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize