Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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