and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
