I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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