I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
