I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
