I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize