And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
