Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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