I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm passing your future prison.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
