I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
