I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
