I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
