please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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