; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
