Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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