It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
