my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
