I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
