i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
