It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
