Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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