after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
