At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
