Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
