physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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