More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
