i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
