I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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