Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
