my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Even my vagina gasped.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
