I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
