??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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