you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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