You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
