Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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