I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
