i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
