my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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