We won't sleep together?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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