I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
