i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
