Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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