He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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