I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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