OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
