When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
