nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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