Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
