I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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