the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
