First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
