hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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