i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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