If i come over, it means nothing
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
