Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
