Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry qtntexas hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

Fav 40 3431 1055
share tweet
(903): View more from Texas

I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

(214): View more from Texas

It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

Fav 17 5357 1204
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(515): View more from Iowa

Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

Fav 14 6056 1704
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

Fav 12 4638 1566
share tweet
(636): View more from Missouri

i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend

Fav 7 6660 1320
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.

Fav 6 2917 1160
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(605): View more from South Dakota

She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

Fav 5 2740 1555
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?

Fav 0 76 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(218): View more from Minnesota

I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.

Fav 0 11 118
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT