Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
