you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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