I want to have your abortion
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
