I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
