well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
