I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's never too late to be topless.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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