Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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